Before interpreting the absence of sex as the loss of love that leads to divorce, You needs to know the following facts related to sexless marriage.
Discussions about intimate relationships with partners are often considered taboo and are kept closely as a family secret. Even though it is not uncommon for married couples who rarely or even have not had sex for years, they do not find a solution. Loss of passion, feeling uncomfortable, or maybe feeling reluctant to have sex due to fatigue at work are the reasons behind it.
Common Reasons Why Couples Are Reluctant to Have Intimate Relationships
Professor Denise A. Donnelly, in her interview with The New York Time , presented her study of marriage without sex. He estimated that 15% of married couples did not have sex with their partner in the last six months to one year. Meanwhile, couples under the age of 30 have sex at least 111 times in the span of one year.
There are many possibilities related to not having sex in a relationship, including health problems to lifestyle factors. Then actually since when did couples decide to stop having sex? Donnelly’s study shows that some of the people in his research sample had never had sex in the first place. Meanwhile, other couples identify certain times or events, such as childbirth or infidelity , that make sexual activity slow down or even stop completely.
Donnelly’s study also shows that some people get used to their partners, feel bored, and sex becomes slow and unexciting. In other cases, having sex is seen as a requirement of raising a family, building a career, and becoming an adult.
There are also those who have very low sex drive and even asexual. These people may have feelings of guilt during intercourse, problems with disliking other human bodies, or feel that sex is “dirty” or just for procreation.
Meanwhile, studies also show a small number of couples who have a mixed pattern of intercourse, namely there are times they have sex continuously which is then followed by a long pause.
11 Reasons Couples Are Reluctant to Have Intimate Relationships
1. Health problems
A person’s overall physical and mental health can have a big impact on their libido and their desire for touch. It can also interfere with the physiological processes of arousal in both sexes. Pay attention to the mental condition of mother and partner.
Has anyone experienced burn out because of work? Or are you depressed? Don’t hesitate to contact a psychologist about this, ma’am.
2. Libido Mismatch
Not everyone wants the same amount of sex or duration of intercourse. When the desire to have sex does not coincide, then one has to wait for the mood to come. The solution, of course, is to find out what factors can raise the mood for sex.
Women are usually advised by doctors not to have sex for at least six to eight weeks after giving birth. The added stress of caring for a baby , body changes , fatigue and hormonal factors can also affect a woman’s libido after having a child.
4. Feel depressed
Excessive stress can damage your health, including unmet sexual urges. The stress hormone cortisol can also play a role in lowering libido. In addition to the physical reasons why stress reduces sex drive, the psychological effects of stress can make you tired, tired, and anxious so that you lose the desire or energy to have sex.
5. Communication Problems
When you have a conflict with your partner , maintaining intimacy can be very difficult. Never mind sexual activity, just talk reluctantly.
Other factors that discourage couples from having sex:
— Enjoys conflicts and arguments
— Negative feelings
— Be Passive-Aggressive
— Disloyal / cheating behavior
— Power / domination contest
— Addiction to pornography
6. Erectile dysfunction
Difficulty achieving or maintaining an erection can make intercourse difficult. While erectile dysfunction is a common problem, it can also affect a man’s levels of anxiety, self-confidence and self-esteem. Men who have these symptoms should always consult a doctor, lest there be a serious health problem that makes it difficult to get an erection.
7. Low Sex Drive
Low sex drive, also known as hypo-sexual desire disorder, is a problem both men and women can experience. In women, a number of factors can cause low sexual desire, including the menstrual cycle, use of hormonal contraceptives, childbirth, breastfeeding, hysterectomy, and menopause.
8. Drug Side Effects
Many drugs have side effects on sexual activity. Some drugs that can cause sexual dysfunction include over-the-counter decongestants, some types of antihistamines, antidepressants, and high blood pressure medications.
9. Mental Health Problems
Symptoms of depression include lack of energy, loss of interest in anything, withdrawal from associations, and a moody and depressed mood that can affect a person’s desire to have sex.
10. Trauma Harassment
Past sexual abuse can have long-term effects that can affect current and future relationships. Emotional reactions such as fear and shame, post-traumatic stress, and distortions in self-perception can have a serious impact on a person’s sex life.
If this happens to you or your partner, it’s better to be open to people you trust to get help. Trauma is not trivial, requires full patience because of the long healing process. Of course the support of a partner or a psychologist will be very helpful!
11. Life Problems
There are a number of factors in life that affect the intensity of a person having sex, including:
— Loss of a job
— Financial Problem
— Body image problems
What To Do If Your Partner Is Reluctant to Have Intimate Relationships?
The first thing you have to do, of course, is communication. Be open to expressing your opinion to your partner. Then ask yourself, is marriage without sex a big problem for you? So big that it is necessary to divorce? Does your partner have rational reasons and need help?
There is no “right” amount of sex in a marriage, more importantly having physical and emotional intimacy with a partner. Avoid comparing your marriage to others because every relationship is unique. Although you feel rarely make love, studies show that there are so many marriages without sex in the world. A 2017 study found that more than 15% of men and nearly 27% of women reported that they had not had sex in the past year.
If you need help communicating with your partner, consider talking to a mental health professional or therapist for ideas on how to get back together. It’s important to keep the conversation positive and not to make your partner feel attacked or blamed.
Every marriage is different and you need to work together as a couple to find out what works for you. Don’t try to live up to other people’s expectations or what you think is “normal.” Talk about what each one wants, needs, and hopes for. Then, work together to create a happy marriage.
Rarely having sex is not always a reason for divorce , it’s better to find solutions together while you can. However, if all the means have been taken and you go through the days in sorrow, there is always a way out. Find out what is best for your marriage, with the support of your doctor, therapist, family and close friends.
Sex-less marriage is definitely not the end of the world , but it would be nice if you and your partner didn’t underestimate this. While you have the opportunity, work together to get back to being affectionate. Good luck!
Originally published at https://family.aliensmom.com